---
title: "The life you chose… and then, not so much | Clara Solà Niubó"
description: "Moving to Barcelona can look very good from the outside. What often arrives later — once the practical part is done — is quieter and harder to name."
source: https://therapyinenglish.barcelona/reflections/the-life-you-chose/
---

# The life you chose… and then, not so much

1 April 2026  Clara Solà Niubó

![Barcelona seen from the hills at sunset, with the Eixample stretching down to the sea](/uploads/reflections-barcelona-skyline.jpg)

Moving to Barcelona can look very good from the outside.

Lunch outdoors in February. The sea nearby. That particular afternoon light. A photograph sent home that seems to say: _Yes, I made the right decision._

Most likely you did.

And yet, there is more to this life: more paperwork, more uncertainty and more lonely or strangely tiring days than the photograph suggests.

Sometimes the difficult part does not come when you arrive, when there is plenty to keep you occupied: finding a place to live, arranging paperwork, opening a bank account, finding your way around the city and working out how everyday life functions here.

It can be exhausting, but it also gives you a sense of direction and purpose. There is always a next task, and every problem solved feels like progress.

Then things begin to settle. You know your neighbourhood. You have your routines. You no longer need Google Maps every time you leave home.

And this may be when something less obvious starts to emerge.

The move is no longer a project. It is done, and this is your life now.

You may begin to miss things you had not expected to miss. Not only people or places, but the ease of being somewhere you already understood. Speaking without thinking. Being known without having to explain yourself. Feeling competent in ordinary situations. Feeling able to be your full self.

You may enjoy your life here and still feel tired by it.

You may feel grateful and lonely at the same time.

You may have chosen to leave and still grieve what you left behind.

These experiences do not necessarily mean that moving was a mistake. Nor do they mean that you are failing to adapt.

> “Beyond the practical changes, moving abroad affects your identity, your relationships, your sense of belonging and the way you experience yourself.”

Beyond the practical changes, moving abroad affects your identity, your relationships, your sense of belonging and the way you experience yourself. The practical part is usually visible. The emotional part is quieter, often arrives later and is not always easy to identify.

So it can be also difficult to talk about.

Back home, family and friends probably assume that you are living the life you designed, which may lead you to think you should be enjoying it more. And when the move was your decision, admitting that you are struggling can feel as though you are contradicting yourself.

But, of course, choosing a life does not mean that you will like every part of it. It takes time for a place to become yours. Building a new network of relationships does too.

And sometimes you need space to understand what has changed, what you miss and what you are still trying to build.

I have written a short workbook about this less visible side of moving abroad: **How Am I Really Doing here?**

It asks some honest questions about the emotional changes that often appear after the first months, and offers some strategies you may find helpful.

You can download it [here](#guide).